When your entire focus is on having a baby, you notice everyone around you is either pregnant or giving birth. You find yourself rolling your eyes "not another f*cking announcement". Sometimes we have people close to us who are falling pregnant or having a baby at the exact same time we are grieving a loss. That's life, it is going to happen.
Of course we are happy for anyone who is fortunate enough to not be experiencing what we are. We wouldn't wish infertility or pregnancy loss on our worst enemy. But, it's tough when it is right there in your face. Damn tough.
We get angry, resentful and perhaps avoid these people as best we can. Because it is a punch in the guts every time there is an "announcement". Every. Single. Time.
Here are a few reminders of what you can do if you are in this situation:
Take a pause from social media
Seeing vlogs, posts, updates and images are a trigger. It creates undue anxiety in an already stressful situation. You need to focus on your mental health and wellbeing. That is the priority. So, switch off from it. There are a lot of choices you can’t make and so much out of your control, however you can make a choice to view triggers or not. If you want to be supportive but at the same time it is a massive trigger, like the post of the announcement and scroll down and move on.
Chanel your anger in the right way
If it makes you angry, get angry, but channel that anger in the right way. You are entitled to feel all the angry feels but you shouldn't take your anger out on whoever it is having the announcement (or others). Meditation and boxing can be equally therapeutic. Meditation helps focus inwards and become calm and still. Insight Timer is a wonderful free app which I use daily. Equally, a boxing bag and gloves comes in very handy to let it all out (and damn it feels good). Finding some way to channel your emotions is very helpful at triggering moments.
Be honest (if you can)
If you are feeling like you have to avoid certain people or events, like a baby shower or gender reveal and you are able to be honest with this person, do so. A true friend will understand, even though they may not be able to empathise if they haven't been in your shoes. If they don't understand, it says more about them than it does you.
You don’t see what happens behind the scenes
'Difficult' comes in many different forms. Take a step back - Maybe this person has experienced some difficulty in their journey to fall pregnant, maybe they have endured miscarriages or maybe they will suffer secondary infertility. Point is, you may not know the full picture.
Run your own race
Don’t get distracted by what is happening around you. It will feel like the whole world is against you, the universe isn’t your friend, and it will never be your time. For some like us, it is a marathon not a sprint and you need all your energy and positivity to focus on your race, not others.